Cold hands, warm shart.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
