dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
