So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
