im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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