Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
