I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
