I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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