you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
