He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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