I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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