You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
