Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
