her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
