just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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