he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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