it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
