I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
