Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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