Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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