She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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