Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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