this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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