dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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