We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
