I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
