Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
