I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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