We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
