Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
