i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize