somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
