I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
