Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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