A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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