I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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