you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
