what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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