Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
