The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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