EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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