margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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