Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
