Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
