bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
