There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
