looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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