my being single is dangerous.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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