your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
