Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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