I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
