glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
