and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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