im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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