drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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