Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
