Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
