That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
