just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
