If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
