just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize