it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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