If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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