i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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