If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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