Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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