Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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