Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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