We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
