In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
