I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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