:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
